The Bigfork Community Players are holding auditions for their winter comedy production, Don't Drink the Water by Woody Allen. Written and originally produced at the height of the Cold War, this play takes us to a small state somewhere in Europe in the mid 1960s. Populated almost entirely by atheistic Communists, the country is likely run by a recent but untested party head of state, who never appears onstage. Prominent, however, is his sadistic head of the police force, who views everyone foreign as a spy who should be hanged first and tried later. Into this environment wanders a New Jersey caterer, familiar with how things get done back home and having limited tolerance for the intricacies of international diplomacy. Unfortunately, he seeks asylum at the American embassy, which by the unfortunate timing of political ambition is left in the hands of a young romantic who can't understand why everyone doesn't just tell it like it is. And lest the situation seem hopeless and dark, understand that it was written by Woody Allen, who tends to find hilarious comedy in everything.

The director: David Vale

The characters:

Father Drobney: He's been hiding in the embassy for six years from 3,975,000 atheists. (60 lines, ageless)

Ambassador Magee: In a race for governor, he should appeal to psychotic liberals and militant facists alike.(10 lines, 50s)

Kilroy: The ambassador's assistant and the only man in the foreign service who knows the words to the second stanza of The Star Spangled Banner. (50 lines, ageless)

Axel Magee: The ambassador's son and the only man in the history of the foreign service to accidentally wrap his lunch in a peace treaty. (250 lines, 20s)

Marion Hollander: The inexplicably level-headed and tolerant wife of Walter Hollander. (200 lines, 50s)

Walter Hollander: More a cook than a spy, he nevertheless photographed a secret military arsenal. And got caught. (300 lines, 50s)

Susan Hollander: She's engaged to be married and that's just her first problem. (100 lines, 20s)

Krojack: Head of the secret police. Wants to hang Walter. And most everyone else, as well. (40 lines, ageless)

Burns: An embassy assistant. (10 lines, ageless)

Chef: Eccentric, temperamental, and vital. (20 lines, ageless)

Sultan of Bashir: Important and insulted.(20 lines, ageless)

Sultan's First Wife: Veiled and silent. (No lines, younger than the Sultan)

Kasnar: A party guest. (10 lines, ageless)

Countess Borodini: Another party guest. (3 lines, ageless)

Performance dates: February 26-28, 2016
Audition time: 2 p.m. Sunday, December 6 or 7 p.m. Monday, December 7. Come to either.
Audition place: Marina Cay Resort, Lower-level Ballroom, Grand Avenue in Bigfork

Audition plan: Come read lines, stay for the whole session, and bring a calendar of every potential schedule conflict from now through February. You may come with a short (1-minute) monologue if you're auditioning for a lead role.

Contact: David Vale, Dave@PocketstoneCafe.com
More Information: www.BigforkCommunityPlayers.com